Club Valhalla during Halloween offers a unique chance for a soon-to-be-married couple to visit their club. Until now, the mysterious private club had opened its doors to the rich and famous. Aoife and Saoirse are the lucky winners of the golden ticket. Lots of questions remain: Why a couple that’s getting married? What’s the Halloween-connection? Why them? The sign outside the club, lit by a flickering bulb, said: ‘ADMISSION FREE, you’ll pay to get out’. Regrettably, the warning went unheeded.
Chapter 1
The Irish Club Valhalla was famous for a lot of reasons. A mysterious fog had surrounded it since its opening a decade ago. Everyone knew of Club Valhalla, and yet nobody had been inside to tell about it. It stoked the rumours surrounding club Valhalla, rumours that painted convincing pictures from smoky backrooms of a Mafia hideout to the sickening scenes of a child porn location. This Ad contributed to speculation about the reasons behind a couple that was about to be married. What does getting married soon have to do with Halloween? Why this sudden openness after they had previously shown everyone the door?
A year ago, Saoirse had finally asked her girlfriend to marry her. She romantically proposed, following tradition by kneeling down in the crowded pub. Aoife did not say ‘yes’ right away. She had to think about it for a week. The scene, meant to be gentle and warm, instead became a shouting competition. “How can you ask your beloved to wait for an entire week? At least have the decency to tell me you don’t love me, Aoife, so I can head to the Cliffs of Moher to throw myself into the sea.”
Thus, Saoirse broke off her one-sided engagement. She tried to be brave about it, making bad jokes like: “I’m not engaged anymore — I’m just great at disengaging.” Of course, Aoife felt alone and rejected and asked Saoirse to marry her. Saoirse, in turn, said she had to think about it.
They were engaged, disengaged, re-engaged … It is said that opposites attract. Whoever said it, it’s correct. Aoife was tidy and hated clutter. She liked everything to have its proper place in the house. Aoife loved being at home, sometimes alone. She disliked parties and meaningless chatter without a purpose. She was repeatedly told that her overthinking took all the fun out of life. Life had taught Aoife to hide her strengths in broad daylight. Occasionally, she couldn’t keep it from being revealed. Like last week, with the Sassenach jeweller that pronounced her name wrong. “Aoife is pronounced as Ee-fa. Saoirse is called Seer-sha. I’ll assist you for now, as I understand you’re still getting familiar with this, but for Pete’s sake, try to remember.” Aoife had a short fuse for properly pronouncing her Irish name.
Saoirse was a party-animal. Life is short, and therefore every day should be a party. A woman is not meant to live alone; she needs a partner who values her and loves her. Saoirse believed in an all-encompassing love, a love that consumed and damaged and broke you, but would rise again like a Phoenix from the ashes. She convinced Aoife to get a huge Phoenix, with feathers that seemed to move, tattooed on her thigh. Aoife was good to Saoirse. Several disasters had already been averted thanks to Aoife’s intervention at the last minute.
Greetings, esteemed owners of Club Valhalla,
We are reaching out to you about the ad published in the Daily Post on the 12th. We were captivated, just as many others undoubtedly had been. At a Halloween party five years ago, I met my fiancée, Aoife, amidst the laughter and spooky atmosphere. The spark that ignited between us that evening could have set fire to Glengarra Woods. We spent that night together, followed by a whole series of nights, filled with wonder and ecstasy.
The journey to our wedding chapel has been difficult. We are both the best of friends and the worst of enemies. Our love has always prevailed, and now we’re marrying at Ballynahinch Castle on Friday, November 2nd; we both can’t wait.
We’re skipping the honeymoon, so a visit to your club on that special night would be kind of a Betrothmoon.
We would love to come to your club.
Saoirse and Aoife.
To be honest, they had already forgotten about the letter until the almost-newlyweds received an email from Valhalla.
We are delighted to inform you that you’ve won our Halloween contest at Club Valhalla on October 31st! Your letter received the jury’s unanimous vote.
We invite you to savour the full Club Valhalla experience, which begins with a complimentary dinner. We’re transforming the entire club into a Halloween scene, so please come dressed in your most daring Halloween costume.
You must, however, complete two key steps before arriving: First, we need official confirmation of your marriage; second, both of you must sign the attached liability waiver and non-disclosure agreement and return it two weeks before Halloween.
Get ready for an amazing Halloween night that you’ll never forget. You are our first guests ever who are free to enter Club Valhalla and are equally free to get out.
Yours,
Peter Dursey,
Owner of Club Valhalla.
Chapter 2
Perhaps Aoife only conceded to sending the letter because the likelihood of a Halloween night victory felt vanishingly small to her. The moment she read the mail, Saoirse gasped so loudly she startled herself. A bubbling laugh escaped her throat, and before she knew it, she was twirling across the room, her hair flying in wild arcs. She took the unsuspecting Aoife in her arms, grinning so hard her cheeks ached, then dropped her fiance on the edge of her bed with a breathless squeal. For a heartbeat she just sat there, staring at her beautiful bride-to-be. She whispered to the startled girl, “We’re going to Club Valhalla!”
Predictably, Aoife focused all her attention on one word in the email: “daring.” A daring costume. What did they mean by that? Their costumes until now had been very tame, but now a club of questionable reputation invited them. What would they consider “daring”? If it meant what Aoife was thinking, she was not comfortable wearing that. They discussed the level of depravity, how much skin is sexy and how much is sluttish.
They both agreed at last on the Wedding theme. Aoife was wearing a white wedding dress — from a thrift store — with red spots on virgin places. Saoirse was wearing a sheer bodice adorned with intricate black lace at strategic places and a torn long skirt halfway to her thigh. They both agreed that their partner looked ‘daring’.
It felt a bit like winning the golden ticket. They were not on their way to a chocolate factory, but towards the infamous Club Valhalla. In Spain there is a place that is called Cape Finisterre, meaning ‘the end of the world.’ If you don’t mind driving for hours on narrow, windy roads between two mountain ranges, if you don’t mind dense fog or rain showers for hours, you are welcome to Beara Peninsula in the South of Ireland. The End of the World, Irish Style.
Between Dunboy and Castletown you will find Club Valhalla. That information is not particularly helpful if you are unfamiliar with the location of the Beara Peninsula. Or Ireland, for that matter. If you have ever been to Beara Peninsula, you know that the trip to Club Valhalla is anything but boring. The headlights of their old car were not quite ready for the sharp, dark road turns. They arrived at five in the afternoon. Halloween had done its best to scare them before they had even set foot in Club Valhalla.
A two-metre-high stone wall encloses this exclusive club, hiding effectively whatever went on inside. A helicopter platform near the club made it obvious that what happened behind these walls was the exclusive domain of the rich and famous. Their old car looked out of place in the small but very luxurious roofed car park. One thing became obvious: a club with five parking spaces wasn’t drawing in any crowds for entertainment. Two bright lights illuminated a signboard one would expect outside a pub like ‘The Drunken Duck’ or ‘The Jolly Taxpayer.’ Beneath the logo of the club was in crisp print: ‘Admission free, you’ll pay to get out.’
Aoife still had doubts. The waiver they had to sign essentially meant the club was not liable for damage to property and bodily injury, as they clearly stated!, and that those involved expressly gave informed consent for all activities there. The NDA perhaps was even worse:
’Recipient expressly understands and agrees that any unauthorised disclosure of confidential information shall cause immediate and irreparable harm to Club Valhalla, and that monetary damages alone would be insufficient to remedy such a breach. Accordingly, Recipient agrees that, in addition to injunctive relief, they shall be liable to Club Valhalla for liquidated damages in the sum of Five Hundred Thousand Euros (€500,000.00) per breach, which the Recipient hereby acknowledges and agrees represents a fair and reasonable pre-estimate of the damages likely to be suffered by Club Valhalla.’
“Half a million for saying something outside Club Valhalla! Who do they think they are? Moreover, who do they think WE are? John Collison’s sister?” Aoife ranted again as she looked over the documents on the way to Club Valhalla.
“Don’t worry love, these are standard contracts. A huge part of the attraction of Club Valhalla is that it’s so secretive about what it’s doing. These huge fines are just a warning sign.” Saoirse tried to calm her down. “Aoife, you are the bravest girl I know. Let’s show them we are tough girls. Together we can do anything. Let’s enjoy this thing. Everybody we know would like to be in our shoes by now. Just relax and try to enjoy it a little, shall we?”
Aoife sighed. Once again, Saoirse’s thoughtless hand had guided Aoife toward a threshold she was not ready to cross. But it was too late to back out now. “You’re right, of course. I’m sorry, it’s just this whole area gives me the creeps in the dark, you know?”
The way from the parking lot to the entrance was scarcely lit by what appeared to be turnips. Carved turnips, not pumpkins, are the traditional choice in Ireland. The two-metre stone wall was lit by floodlights, and they could see cameras were zooming in on them.
“I’m scared already. Maybe we shouldn’t do this after all.” Aoife said, shivering not just from the cold, in her stained wedding gown.
“Too late,” Saoirse said cheerfully. “Let’s go inside.”