Category: Behind the scenes

BEHIND THE SCENES

To Amsterdam

Communication, communication and communication.

In any relationship, strong communication is paramount, but within the context of a polyamorous relationship, this foundational element becomes undeniably crucial for maintaining a healthy dynamic and achieving three times the success. And we all know by now that Koen is not the best communicator out there. So the first scene is all about Sylvia that the observator of an argument between the couple. An outsider. Literally and figuratively. This scene illustrates that it’s not always a garden of tranquillity and evenness in the relationship between Koen and Jutta.

Future of their relationship

Do you think deep in your heart and soul, this polyamory relationship we are having will work in the long term?”

“No, mistress.”

Jutta tries to bring the subject of their expection to the table. To safeguard herself, Sylvia has concluded, perhaps wrongly, that a lasting romantic relationship with both her master and her mistress is an impossibility. Because she knows it’s unlikely to happen, she’s trying to avoid getting her hopes up too high about something impossible.

Accident and impact

Koens’ parents were, in fact, very much alive when they perished in the flames. It’s bad enough for bad dreams. To cause an accident where a whole family dies as well is gruesome. A picture says more than a thousand words and Sylvia needed, perhaps a bit more than a thousand words, to describe what had happened that day.

His beloved Transit

The Transit Sylvia refers to is a Ford Transit from 1990. It’s not just Koens favourite van, it’s mine as well. I have driven a rental Transit in those days quite often, and loved it. The car makes more noise than a Harley Davidson motor, but it’s so much what a car in it’s bare essence should be. Have a look at it yourself.

Edging

In the next scene, Jutta employs erotic sexual denial as a method to enhance her authority over Sylvia. Her maintained state of sexual need and vulnerability predisposes her to a more compliant stance with her Mistress.

Orgasm denial practices provide a means for the dominant to exert power and dominance over multiple facets of the submissive’s life. Therefore, they are commonly integrated as extensions to, or refinements of, a more encompassing BDSM relationship, or are used as a method for initiating such a relationship, though this isn’t universally true. Allowing the dominant partner to experience pleasurable and at times strongly desired sensations of sexual dominance and erotic authority, while the submissive partner can derive satisfaction from profound feelings of sexual objectification and submission to the dominant.

Another application of orgasm denial is to enhance a submissive’s ability to withstand physical stimulation by practicing the restraint of climax or granting the submissive the ability to climax upon request.

Additionally, using erotic humiliation serves to strengthen the Jutta’s authority within the relationship. It is applied at the Jutta’s whim, and makes her dominance unpredictable.

BEHIND THE SCENES

Chapter 2

What is high protocol, really?

1. High Protocol in Diplomatic and Social Etiquette

Emily Post (1922, Etiquette) vs. Letitia Baldrige (New Manners for New Times, 2003)

• Emily Post, a leading authority on etiquette in the early 20th century, described high protocol as the strict adherence to formal rules governing social interaction, especially among the elite. She emphasized hierarchy, formality, and ritualized behaviors as key elements of proper high society etiquette.
• Letitia Baldrige, a later etiquette expert, modernized the concept, recognizing the need for flexibility within high protocol settings. She suggested that while high protocol remains essential in state dinners and formal diplomatic events, modern high society has softened strict adherence to rigid rules in favor of approachable elegance.

🔹 Comparison: Post’s version of high protocol was rigid and hierarchical, whereas Baldrige saw it as a framework that allows for some degree of adaptation while maintaining respect for traditions.

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2. High Protocol in BDSM and Power Dynamics

John Warren (The Loving Dominant, 1998) vs. Raven Kaldera (Mastering the Art of Protocol, 2010)

• John Warren discusses high protocol in BDSM as a relationship structure where submissives follow a strict set of behavioral rules defined by their Dominant. This includes speech restrictions, postural rules, dress codes, and rituals, reinforcing a sense of deep commitment and power exchange. He views high protocol as a tool for intensifying intimacy and respect rather than an arbitrary system of control.
• Raven Kaldera, in contrast, delves deeper into high protocol as a form of structured discipline and spiritual devotion. He compares it to monastic traditions where submissives (or slaves) find meaning in ritualized service. His approach integrates historical and spiritual perspectives, drawing parallels between BDSM protocols and feudal service models.

🔹 Comparison: Warren presents high protocol as a practical tool for relationship depth, while Kaldera treats it as a philosophical and almost religious practice, akin to knightly chivalry or monastic discipline.

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3. High Protocol in Historical and Political Contexts

Norbert Elias (The Civilizing Process, 1939) vs. Richard Sennett (The Fall of Public Man, 1977)

• Norbert Elias explores high protocol through the lens of courtly behavior and social control in aristocratic societies. He argues that highly ritualized etiquette, table manners, and speech patterns in royal courts (especially in Louis XIV’s Versailles) were not merely about politeness but served as tools for maintaining power hierarchies and social order.
• Richard Sennett, on the other hand, critiques the decline of public formalities and high protocol. He suggests that while protocol historically structured social interactions, modern societies have dismantled formal public behavior in favor of personal authenticity, leading to a loss of refined social interaction.

Summary

Context	Definition
Etiquette & Diplomacy	Formal rules governing high-status social or diplomatic events to maintain hierarchy and respect.
BDSM & Power Dynamics	A structured system of behaviour where the submissive follows strict rituals and rules dictated by the Dominant.
Historical & Political Structures	A system of ritualised behaviour used to enforce hierarchy and maintain social order, often in royal courts or government institutions.

Emphasis on positions

There is a good reason for this long intro. It is to show you that protocol is etiquette. Etiquette in the shape and form of ritualised behaviour and rules. As everyone is different, so are their rituals and rules. Jutta is teaching Sylvia a set of slave postions. A vague description is given of a number of these positions. Does Jutta loves them, or is she doing that for Koen? In the book it seems like Koen really loves them. Lots of men think that if they bark a certain position to their woman, it’s very erotic if that woman immediately without thinking assumes that position.

There are lots and lots of photos on the Internet about slave positions, often refered to as GOR-positions. To show you some of those, I loved this YouTube video where a woman shows you some of them.

BEHIND THE SCENES

Chapter 2 of Bad Girl

Dealing with baldness

Our brains are wired to recognise patterns and make quick associations based on past experiences and societal cues. Baldness in women is strongly linked to chemotherapy, which is a well-known cancer treatment that often causes hair loss. Since female baldness is relatively uncommon compared to male baldness, our brains default to the most familiar explanation—illness. This is reinforced by media portrayals and personal experiences, where bald women are often depicted as cancer patients. Essentially, it’s a cognitive shortcut (heuristic) that helps us process information quickly, even if it sometimes leads to incorrect assumptions.

On the road to destruction

“Sylvia, what will it take to make you feel at home again?” Koen asked. Finally, Sylvia’s answer was: “I need you to destroy me. Shatter me, pulverise me, reduce me to nothingness, until the stench of my lies is all that remains. After there is nothing left of my old self, if it pleases you, you can rebuild me, piece by piece, so you will have finally the woman you truly deserve.”

“If I say ‘I forgive you’, you’ll think it’s too easy, right? We need to earn our own forgiveness.”

Koen said the quote above and that is the central theme of the book. He threatened to throw her out of the house if she would not say what she wanted, what she needed to be whole again. To live without quilt and shame. He can’t reduce her to nothingness. He needs Jutta for that.

We need to earn our own forgiveness is one of my favourite lines of this book.

Safe, Sane and Consensual

The Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) framework is an ethical guideline often used in alternative relationship dynamics, particularly in BDSM communities, to ensure responsible and respectful interactions.

Safe – Activities should minimise physical and emotional harm, with participants taking precautions, understanding risks, and using safety measures to prevent injury.

Sane – Actions should be rational and within the mental and emotional capacity of those involved, ensuring that no one is acting under distress, coercion, or impaired judgment.

Consensual – All parties must give informed, voluntary, and enthusiastic consent, with the understanding that they can withdraw consent at any time.

This ethical approach prioritises well-being, autonomy, and respect, ensuring that interactions remain responsible, enjoyable, and free from abuse.

Since the eighties in the last century SSC has become the well known, accepted standard in BDSM, the difference between abuse and a mutual game. This is the background for Koen’s frustrated conclusion:

So we throw safe in the trash, we flush sane through the toilet and rip out the page with consensual on it from our dictionary.”

To me this line sums up Koen’s frustration. For Koen, SSC symbolizes the ability to express his feelings openly and without any restrictions. With the disappearance of that, all of his certainties vanished immediately and completely, leaving him in a state of uncertainty. The intensity of his anger, or perhaps his uncertainty, is vividly expressed in the metaphor of a “wind force 10,” a powerful image that conveys the turbulent emotions he experiences.

Jutta acts as a lightning rod

If you were slapped in the face so many times your face is red, would you lick the hand that slapped you? Sylvia did, lovingly. That is part of who she is. She admires strength, and she translates pain into love. I get it if you don’t get it. But it’s her reality.

As a typical male, Koen redirects all of his anger and frustration, which he would usually express outwardly, towards Jutta. She knows how to distract him before he get’s too frenzy.

 Her murmured words were soft and low, like a calming balm, soothing him as if he were a child having a tantrum.

That sums up the way Sylvia looks at her soon to be ex-husband. As a child having a tantrum. Not a pretty picture of a woman who says to love him, still after all these years.

BEHIND THE SCENES

Chapter 1 of Bad Girl

Where we left off

Picking up directly from the conclusion of “Good Girl,” the first chapter of “Bad Girl” introduces Sylvia, who has been presented by her husband Koen to his new wife Jutta. Not only is Jutta literally sitting in the frontseat of the car, but she’s also been promoted to the frontseat of the relationship between these two women. Two women in rivalry as well, one the wife, one the mistress. And the mistress becomes the Mistress of the soon to be ex-wife.

Confused? Great. You need to read “Good Girl” first, before this makes any sense. I needed about 80.000 words to reach the point where we start Chapter 1 of Bad Girl.

The first chapter of the second book has been quite a struggle for me. I’d already written a few chapters, skipping ahead a month or two. Perhaps I should start further down the road and make some flashbacks to the start of the polyamory relationship? I ultimately decided to discard the other chapters and focus on this one. The story of Sylvia is all about looking back, so why complicate things and not just start in chronological order?

Why did Sylvia went back to Koen?

One of the mysteries of Good Girl is that we never found out why she was going back to Koen? She had already made up her mind, it seemed when she returned to the Weber Ranch. And suddenly she changed her mind. Why?

In the first paragragh the revelation of Helga that she can and will be sold to another Master seems unprobable for us normal people, but Sylvia has no problem at all believing everything Helga says. She refers to having seen enough on the ranch not to doubt Helga. And that scares the living hell out of her.

Perhaps it was the coward in me that chose for the safe option to go back to Koen.

Koen was her safe haven. She did not buy his “tough guy” routine for a moment. The fucking scene at the end of “Good Girl” shocked her to her core. Koen had been seduced before, but HE was always the faithful one of them.

Panic attack

A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear or anxiety that triggers severe physical reactions, even when there is no real danger. Symptoms can include a racing heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, chest pain, and a sense of impending doom. The impact is huge because it feels overwhelming and uncontrollable, often mimicking life-threatening conditions like heart attacks. This can lead to fear of future attacks, avoidance of certain situations, and even long-term anxiety disorders. The unpredictability and intensity of panic attacks can severely disrupt daily life and mental well-being.

A panic attack is very real, I know from experience. It has a huge impact in your life when you are faced with your own mortality. I used to shake all over my body, and I couldn’t control it, I couldn’t make it go away. It’s scary as hell.

We can only speculate about Jutta’s harsh words to Sylvia, especially given her dramatic shift in attitude after the panic attack. Sylvia’s anxiety might have led her to rethink her decision. Jutta’s kindness might have led her to pity Sylvia, or perhaps she regretted attacking her. Whatever it was, it changed the way Sylvia looked at Jutta forever.

BEHIND THE SCENES

Epigraph & Perfase

Epigraph

An epigraph is a short quotation, phrase, or poem placed at the beginning of a book, chapter, or article. It is often used to set the tone, hint at a theme, or provide a context for the work that follows.

Epigraphs can come from literature, philosophy, religious texts, or even popular culture. They serve as a kind of prelude, offering insight into the author’s inspiration or message.

The epigraph in “Bad Girl” is from the same book as the quote from “Good Girl”, Histoire d’O, Story of O for the Anglo Americans under us.

Histoire d’O (Story of O) is a French erotic novel published in 1954, written by Pauline Réage, the pen name of Anne Desclos. The novel explores themes of submission, sadomasochism, and power dynamics. Following the journey of a woman named O. Initially considered scandalous, it pushed the boundaries of literary eroticism and female desire. Despite its controversial nature, the book won the Prix des Deux Magots in 1955, signalling its literary significance. Many interpret Histoire d’O as a response to male-dominated erotic literature, reclaiming female sexuality through submission. Desclos’s relationship with Jean Paulhan, a literary critic and editor, influenced the novel’s themes. It draws from the works of the Marquis de Sade and reflects mid-20th-century French intellectual debates on sexuality and freedom. The book faced censorship and legal challenges but remains a major work in erotic literature. Its influence extends to BDSM culture, feminist debates, and later erotic fiction, including Fifty Shades of Grey. The novel continues to spark discussions about the intersection of love, desire, and power.​

Quote

The quote is short, but covers the entire journey Sylvia has to make to come to terms with all that has happened in the past:

Her surrender was not the surrender of one who has lost, but the surrender of one who has finally found herself.

Surrender without Guilt or Shame. That is the journey Sylvia is bound to embark in this book. Pauline Réage says it can be done. Sylvia is not so sure.

Prefase

The emotional plea from the protagonist was NOT to read her misery. Dwelling on her grief. Fat chance, of course. The Netherlands is soon to implement a law banning the posting of accident photos and videos on social media. Disaster tourism, we call it over here.

As the story progresses, the reason for her emotional plea at the beginning will become clear to us all.