BEHIND THE SCENES
Chapter 1 of Bad Girl
Where we left off
Picking up directly from the conclusion of “Good Girl,” the first chapter of “Bad Girl” introduces Sylvia, who has been presented by her husband Koen to his new wife Jutta. Not only is Jutta literally sitting in the frontseat of the car, but she’s also been promoted to the frontseat of the relationship between these two women. Two women in rivalry as well, one the wife, one the mistress. And the mistress becomes the Mistress of the soon to be ex-wife.
Confused? Great. You need to read “Good Girl” first, before this makes any sense. I needed about 80.000 words to reach the point where we start Chapter 1 of Bad Girl.
The first chapter of the second book has been quite a struggle for me. I’d already written a few chapters, skipping ahead a month or two. Perhaps I should start further down the road and make some flashbacks to the start of the polyamory relationship? I ultimately decided to discard the other chapters and focus on this one. The story of Sylvia is all about looking back, so why complicate things and not just start in chronological order?
Why did Sylvia went back to Koen?
One of the mysteries of Good Girl is that we never found out why she was going back to Koen? She had already made up her mind, it seemed when she returned to the Weber Ranch. And suddenly she changed her mind. Why?
In the first paragragh the revelation of Helga that she can and will be sold to another Master seems unprobable for us normal people, but Sylvia has no problem at all believing everything Helga says. She refers to having seen enough on the ranch not to doubt Helga. And that scares the living hell out of her.
Perhaps it was the coward in me that chose for the safe option to go back to Koen.
Koen was her safe haven. She did not buy his “tough guy” routine for a moment. The fucking scene at the end of “Good Girl” shocked her to her core. Koen had been seduced before, but HE was always the faithful one of them.
Panic attack
A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear or anxiety that triggers severe physical reactions, even when there is no real danger. Symptoms can include a racing heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, chest pain, and a sense of impending doom. The impact is huge because it feels overwhelming and uncontrollable, often mimicking life-threatening conditions like heart attacks. This can lead to fear of future attacks, avoidance of certain situations, and even long-term anxiety disorders. The unpredictability and intensity of panic attacks can severely disrupt daily life and mental well-being.
A panic attack is very real, I know from experience. It has a huge impact in your life when you are faced with your own mortality. I used to shake all over my body, and I couldn’t control it, I couldn’t make it go away. It’s scary as hell.
We can only speculate about Jutta’s harsh words to Sylvia, especially given her dramatic shift in attitude after the panic attack. Sylvia’s anxiety might have led her to rethink her decision. Jutta’s kindness might have led her to pity Sylvia, or perhaps she regretted attacking her. Whatever it was, it changed the way Sylvia looked at Jutta forever.
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