Author: Han Jansz. van Meegeren

BEHIND THE SCENES

The Rock Comes Tubling Down

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Payback weekend

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Sybil

Why Sibil?

In Arabic, Sibil can be a variant of the Arabic name سبيل in ABC Sabil/Sebil it means Path or road or also fountain (Wikipedia). As Sylvia’s older sister, Sibil paved the road for her. She is leading her younger sister through the roadmap of her own desire.

Looks

I never had a clear picture of how Sybil looks life in real life. I asked AI to make an image of her. This is what it came up with. Not so sure my Sibil looks like the first picture above, but that is what I am going for now.

Sion Airport

Sion does actually exist. And it is in the Swiss Alps.

Just imagine going there…

 I made the terrible mistake to think I could dominate her into staying. My only intention was to convince her she needed this as much as I did. She subsequently threatened legal action and to contact the police about her being raped. That same day, she packed her bags and left. Her last words were: “I will send the police after you.”

Here is the matter of consent raised again. In a D/s-relationship, it accepted that the Dominant “pushes the limits” a bit. Stretching the limits sometimes can establish growth within the relationship. It’s a fine line between consent and abuse. If there is not enough communication between the partners if she – or he – is still okay with this, well the next step might be jail.

You need to convince him he has a choice, either step up and be the one in control of the relationship, or step down and let you be free to find someone who will,” Sybil said.

And that is the link to chapter 1 of Good Girl.

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Payback Weekend – Academic and Therapeutic perpectives on DD/lg dynamics

I asked DeepSeek to find some serious studies about the Daddy Dom/little girl (DD/lg) relationship. If you are not familiar with this, its concept is perhaps hard to grasp. I know this from my experience. The age difference issue, child porn, incest. All very taboo subjects that one likes to stay away from.

A daddy dom relationship is definitely NOT all of that. It is perhaps the kindest form of BDSM. You will find another article about that here.

Here are academic and therapeutic perspectives on DD/lg dynamics, emphasising their distinction from paedophilia and potential psychological benefits (when practiced ethically):

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1. Therapeutic Benefits of DD/lg (Academic Perspectives)

A. Age Regression as a Coping Mechanism

• Study: “Age Play as a Form of Self-Care in Adults” (Journal of Sex Research, 2018)
• Findings: Some “littles” use age regression (e.g., colouring, stuffed animals) to reduce stress or process childhood trauma in a safe, controlled environment.
• Key Quote: “Roleplay allows adults to reclaim childhood experiences without actual minors involved.”
• Read abstract here.

B. Power Exchange & Emotional Security

• Study: “Daddy Dom/little Girl Dynamics and Attachment Theory” (Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 2020)
• Findings: Some participants reported DD/lg provided structure, nurturing, and emotional safety, mirroring secure attachment styles.
• Key Quote: “The ‘Daddy’ role often involves guidance, not exploitation.”
• Access here.

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2. Clinical Distinctions Between DD/lg and Pedophilia

A. Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-5)

• Source: American Psychiatric Association
• Pedophilic Disorder: Requires arousal to prepubescent children (under 13) and either distress or action.
• DD/lg: No diagnostic criteria because it involves consenting adults roleplaying, not attraction to minors.
• DSM-5 Resource.

B. Therapist Perspectives

• Interview: Dr. Zhana Vrangalova (Clinical Psychologist, NYU)
• Quote: “Kink-aware therapists distinguish between fantasy (DD/lg) and pathology (pedophilia). The former is ethical roleplay; the latter harms children.”
• Watch her TED Talk on kink.

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3. Ethical Kink Guidelines

A. Consent Frameworks

• Source: National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)
• DD/lg relationships must follow SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) or RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) principles.
• NCSF Guidelines.

B. Trauma-Informed Care

• Study: “BDSM as a Form of Post-Traumatic Growth” (Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 2021)
• Some trauma survivors use DD/lg to reclaim agency over childhood narratives (e.g., choosing a “Daddy” figure who respects boundaries).
• Read here.

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4. Debunking Myths

Myth: “DD/lg normalizes pedophilia.”

• Reality: Research shows no link between kink and criminal behavior. A 2016 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior found BDSM practitioners had lower rates of sexual coercion than the general population.
• Study link.

Myth: “Littles are mentally immature.”

• Reality: Age regression is a temporary, voluntary state. A 2019 study in Psychology & Sexuality noted most “littles” are high-functioning adults with careers/social lives.
• Study link.

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Key Takeaways for Therapists & Allies

1. DD/lg is not a mental illness unless it causes distress (per DSM-5).
2. Roleplay ≠ reality – no minors are involved.
3. For survivors, DD/lg can be a therapeutic tool (when practiced ethically).

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Further Reading

• “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski (discusses kink as a normal variation of sexuality).
• “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton (covers consent in alternative relationships).

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Devil Boy I

Devil Boy was one of the first chapters I wrote in this book. I did not know whatsoever where it would fit, what would make sense in a logical order of the story. I just knew this confession needed to be in the book. To illustrate that Sylvia had kept a tremendous secret from her husband for over 2 years. She had every chance to stop this affair, yet she didn’t.

Do you think it’s the risk she loved, the tension of the forbidden act, or was it this deep sighted longing for submission?

Damien, also spelled as Damian, is a striking title derived from the Greek Damianos. Stemming from the word daman, Damien means “to tame, subdue.” Damien may also be linked to Damia, an epithet given to the Greek goddess of the harvest, Demeter. Damien replaces the a with an e, creating a subtle French flair like Lucien and Julien. Damien and Damian are particularly popular throughout Christian communities in Europe, most likely because of the martyred Saint Damian. If you’d like a name embued with strength and stability, Damien is a solid choice.

Damien is real to me. I received feedback that said that it was impossible to have any sympathetic feeling for Damien. That is the reason I added a scene in Devil boy II, after I finished the book.

Character: Damien (Master)
Made me feel: Anger, Contempt
Memorability: Low
Story presence: 5%

The example, though seemingly crystal clear to the writer, lacks the necessary clarity for the average reader, thus failing to effectively illustrate the intended point. While it may seem like a small portion, comprising only 5% of the book, I believe that this section is arguably the most crucial and significant part of the entire book.

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Alex

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Master Ricardo

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Confession

Finally

I initially conceived of this book as a diary. Before writing other parts, I wrote most of her diary chapters. Yet it took 29.632 words to get to the diary part of her story.

But First

First, we have to deal with the cage under the bed. Sylvia is confused. She doesn’t understand why she gets excited in her cage, where she can only hear her partners are making love.

spoiler alert

We transition into a phase where Sylvia comes to accept that both lovers love her. But she cannot. The past is weighing heavily on her. First there are confessions to to be made.

The function of confession

Confessing can be really good for the soul because it helps you let go of heavy feelings. Think of it like cleaning out a cluttered room in your mind. When you admit your mistakes or share your hidden feelings, you often feel a huge weight lift off your shoulders. This can lead to:

• Emotional Relief: Just like talking to a friend about something that’s been bothering you, confessing can help you release feelings of guilt or shame.
• Healing and Growth: By acknowledging what went wrong, you open the door to forgiving yourself and learning from the experience, which can help you grow as a person.
• Better Relationships: Being honest about your actions can also help repair trust with others, strengthening your relationships and becoming more genuine.
• Inner Peace: Ultimately, confessing can bring you a sense of relief and inner peace, as you no longer have to carry the burden of your secrets.

In simple terms, when you confess, you’re taking a step toward healing, making it easier to move forward with a lighter heart and a clearer mind. And that is why Koen “forces” Sylvia to read her diary out loud.

On the stories online site, I had to make do with showing she was reading from her diary by using a bold font. On Krabbels she is writing in her own handwriting (Google Fonts Borel). I am very happy with it. This is Sylvia’s handwriting.

Coming out

Coming out is one of the most terrifying experiences in your young life. You risk losing the acceptance and support of those closest to you, which can feel like a deep personal loss. It forces you to face the possibility of discrimination or rejection from society, leaving you vulnerable to judgment and isolation. Additionally, it means confronting your own fears and insecurities about who you are, which can be an emotionally overwhelming experience.

I wrote this later because I want the reader to understand how deeply rooted Koen’s anxieties are.

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Young and Stupid

This is a real confession

Not much to add to the text, really. She goes on holiday with one goal and one goal only. And claims still to love Koen. To make it worse, she thinks she is helping him with losing her virginity to a strange man.

Selfish reasons

Her reasons are not to help Koen getting over his anxiety to tear her maidenhead. She wants to know if her submissive feelings are real with another man. She wants to know if this is just Koen, or that she can come by being humiliated by any man.

Despite the seemingly lighthearted tone of her younger diary entries, we learn that the experiences she recorded have actually weighed heavily upon her ever since.

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BEHIND THE SCENES

The Lumious Altar

I have no idea what the term is within the community for a walk over burning candles. I have seen it once or twice in porn, but never got a name for it. So I made up one. The Lumious Altar. Jutta tries to sell it to Koen that is nothing much to extinguish the flame with your vagina or your breast. I think she knows these bandages are there for a reason on Sylvia’s body.

Until now, you have seen not so much punishment on Sylvia, but fairly strict enforcement of rules on Jutta.

Maybe he’s stricter with Jutta because she is now more important to him?

Jutta feels that if their complex relationship is to succeed, Koen has not only to understand, but to support his ex-wife’s behaviour. A free rein is not only a practical necessity; she cannot be the mistress of this masochist without it. It’s more. If she can understand the wants and needs of Sylvia, so does Koen. And if he can’t, she will learn him.

Even if she has to challenge him to do so, at her own expense.

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