BEHIND THE SCENES
Chapter 2 of Bad Girl
Dealing with baldness
Our brains are wired to recognise patterns and make quick associations based on past experiences and societal cues. Baldness in women is strongly linked to chemotherapy, which is a well-known cancer treatment that often causes hair loss. Since female baldness is relatively uncommon compared to male baldness, our brains default to the most familiar explanation—illness. This is reinforced by media portrayals and personal experiences, where bald women are often depicted as cancer patients. Essentially, it’s a cognitive shortcut (heuristic) that helps us process information quickly, even if it sometimes leads to incorrect assumptions.
On the road to destruction
“Sylvia, what will it take to make you feel at home again?” Koen asked. Finally, Sylvia’s answer was: “I need you to destroy me. Shatter me, pulverise me, reduce me to nothingness, until the stench of my lies is all that remains. After there is nothing left of my old self, if it pleases you, you can rebuild me, piece by piece, so you will have finally the woman you truly deserve.”
“If I say ‘I forgive you’, you’ll think it’s too easy, right? We need to earn our own forgiveness.”
Koen said the quote above and that is the central theme of the book. He threatened to throw her out of the house if she would not say what she wanted, what she needed to be whole again. To live without quilt and shame. He can’t reduce her to nothingness. He needs Jutta for that.
We need to earn our own forgiveness is one of my favourite lines of this book.
Safe, Sane and Consensual
The Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) framework is an ethical guideline often used in alternative relationship dynamics, particularly in BDSM communities, to ensure responsible and respectful interactions.
Safe – Activities should minimise physical and emotional harm, with participants taking precautions, understanding risks, and using safety measures to prevent injury.
Sane – Actions should be rational and within the mental and emotional capacity of those involved, ensuring that no one is acting under distress, coercion, or impaired judgment.
Consensual – All parties must give informed, voluntary, and enthusiastic consent, with the understanding that they can withdraw consent at any time.
This ethical approach prioritises well-being, autonomy, and respect, ensuring that interactions remain responsible, enjoyable, and free from abuse.
Since the eighties in the last century SSC has become the well known, accepted standard in BDSM, the difference between abuse and a mutual game. This is the background for Koen’s frustrated conclusion:
So we throw safe in the trash, we flush sane through the toilet and rip out the page with consensual on it from our dictionary.”
To me this line sums up Koen’s frustration. For Koen, SSC symbolizes the ability to express his feelings openly and without any restrictions. With the disappearance of that, all of his certainties vanished immediately and completely, leaving him in a state of uncertainty. The intensity of his anger, or perhaps his uncertainty, is vividly expressed in the metaphor of a “wind force 10,” a powerful image that conveys the turbulent emotions he experiences.
Jutta acts as a lightning rod
If you were slapped in the face so many times your face is red, would you lick the hand that slapped you? Sylvia did, lovingly. That is part of who she is. She admires strength, and she translates pain into love. I get it if you don’t get it. But it’s her reality.
As a typical male, Koen redirects all of his anger and frustration, which he would usually express outwardly, towards Jutta. She knows how to distract him before he get’s too frenzy.
Her murmured words were soft and low, like a calming balm, soothing him as if he were a child having a tantrum.
That sums up the way Sylvia looks at her soon to be ex-husband. As a child having a tantrum. Not a pretty picture of a woman who says to love him, still after all these years.
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